Tuesday 17 May 2011

Pirates Of The Caribbean Bore... I mean 4

Captain Jack and the gang return to the big screen on Wednesday with Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides in rum-swigging, swash-buckling, insert another adjective 3D.
After two over-long, confusing, plot heavy, far-too-many-character filled sequels that prompted this response from Mark Kermode, have they managed to return to the sense of fun and action that made The Curse of the Black Pearl such a surprise hit?
The short answer is... HELL NO!!!
"I'll get my boat" - Time's up for the Pirates franchise
They managed to ditch a lot of the extraneous characters (Knightley, Bloom, Crook, etc) but just replaced them with dull, lifeless new ones (a missionary and a mermaid) or fiesty ones (Cruz and MacShane) but didn't give them time to develop their characters, which is strange it is still as long (141 minutes).  The plot is as bloated as a beached kraken, Depp looks like he's just sleepwalking through the film doing his pantomime schtick and there are more holes in the plot than an entire swiss cheese shop.  You will literally spend the next day picking it apart going "Hang on, what about...".
Having expressed my displeasure for the film, I must state that Penelope Cruz still looks absolutely stunning with a moustache, and is one reason to see it in 3D ;)  Plus the mermaid attack is an original and exciting highpoint of the film.
Rather than paying your money to see Pirates 4, why not just watch this Lonely Island video called Jack Sparrow which features Michael Bolton and is more fun and entertaining than the film and only 3 minutes long!

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