Thursday, 17 July 2014

Pudsey: The Movie - review

2014 why do torture me so? Just when i think i have seen the worst film based on a character made famous on television in the form of Mrs Brown's Boys D'Movie, Pudsey: The Movie comes along to take a massive cinematic dump on my ocular cavities which no pooper scooper can ever clean up.

This was not the hard-hitting biopic of how Pudsey the Bear lost an eye and became an activist for children but instead a movie spawned from the devilish mind of Simon Cowell seeking to inflict even more damage on our eyes and ears, because Jedward wasn't enough, this is clearly nothing more than a BGT cash cow (or dog) thus accounting for David Walliams as Pudsey.

Pudsey the dog won Britain's Got Talent by walking on his hind legs and performing quirky and charming dance routines with his trainer Ashleigh. It was their bond that made the act special and how the British public know him.

So imagine my surprise to find that in the movie Pudsey is a stray dog and trainer Ashleigh is reduced to nothing more than a screen credit!

Instead of going down the Step Up route where Ashleigh and Pudsey try out for a dance school, they have gone for a Babe-style movie featuring talking animals with the dodgy CGI moving mouths, which incidentally do nothing to distract from the fact that Pudsey has a massive underbite which makes him look more like Cujo than Uggie (who is referenced in a opening sequence that "spoofs" The Artist which is the closest this film ever get to an Oscar winner).

The film exposes Pudsey the dog to be a one trick pony and the trick wears thin very fast.

Much to my chagrin, Pudsey survived the opening montage set to a horrendous dance/techno theme song in which he ran into a Chinese restaurant in Soho (clearly the rumours aren't true) and I was forced to endure 80 more minutes of an experience even more awkward and uncomfortable than having a dog humping your leg and not having the decency to call you afterwards.

The film revolves around Pudsey going to live on a farm. Now in my head "going to live on a farm" is a story that parents told their children when a sick pet died or had to be put down, and this is one canine offspring that needed to be out of its misery to ease the pain and suffering of all involved.

The mutt's nuts? More like a complete dog's dinner.

1 star

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