Hotel Transylvania 3 - Review

*Full disclaimer - I only went to see Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation because I needed something to pass the time before the Ant-Man double bill and the timings of Mission Impossible Fallout didn't work! I then spent the trailers Wikipedia-ing the first two films to remind myself just what happened*

Hotel Transylvania 3 is the third instalment of the animated (or should that be reanimated) franchise that just like a creature of the undead, refuses to die. No matter what the critics say.
It's like the people who produce films starring Adam Sandler and his cohorts Kevin James, David Spade, etc, etc have discovered that the only way to make them palatable these days is to restrict them to voice roles and market them to kids and it seems to be a lucrative pastime.
In British TV sitcom lore, it is known that when a programme has run out of ideas for their characters... they send them on holiday!
*Ahem*
So the plot of the movie sees the staff of Hotel Transylvania head off for some R&R on a cruise from the Bermuda Triangle to the Lost City of Atlantis.
The problem is that this cruise ship is captained by Erica Van Helsing, the great-grand daughter of Abraham Van Helsing, who is determined to destroy all monsters and finish her family's work.
That is the plot but it is pretty irrelevant because it is merely an excuse for Dracula to fall in love with Erica and provide Sandler 90 minutes to do his "oogity boogity boo" child's voice that made him famous in the late Nineties.
Speaking of the Nineties, the Deus Ex Machina that ultimately saves the group from the Big Bad at the end is an annoyingly catchy floor filler that just, maybe just, be remembered by some of the parents in the audience but will certainly go over the heads of the kids.
Cruises are not for everyone. Some people find that the entertainment is dull or cheesy, that there is a sense of confinement and no escape and worst of all, you could spend the majority of your time feeling nauseous.
Sounds about right.

1 star

What We Do In The Shadows - review

Following the sparkly tween blandness of the Twilight films, it is nice to see that the vampire genre is coming back from the dead with movies like Only Lovers Left Alive and What We Do In The Shadows.

Both released this year, they both take a different look at the everyday life and normalcy of a vampire's existence.

What We Do In The Shadows does it through the style of a Mockumentary, nicely played with "New Zealand Documentary Foundation" credits, that documents the undead lives of four vampires who share a house in Wellington, New Zealand.

There is a nice mix of characters in the house with Dandy Vamp Viago, Vlad The Impaler Vamp Vladislav, Rock Vamp Deacon and Nosferatu Vamp Peter.

While there is humour in taking jabs at modern vampire references (newly turned vampire Nick goes around claiming he's the guy from Twilight and Viago is told he can't go to a costume party dressed as Blade as it would be offensive to other vampires) ultimately the best gags come from the mundane (Nick's human friend Stu showing them sunrise videos on YouTube, the group's inability to get into nightclubs as they can't get the bouncers to invite them in).

The gags come as thick as fast as a spurting artery but the final product could do with a bit more bite.

3 stars

P.S. would quite happily watch a spin off documentary that follows Rhys Darby's Wolfpack of "werewolves not swearwolves".

Dracula Untold - review

Bram Stoker's Dracula could always have been viewed by some as a tragic character, consumed by love and grief, but here Vlad The Impaler is repackaged as an anti-hero, a man who was driven down this path to out of duty to protect his people and family.

This movie looks at how a man became the legend in a slight but fun prequel that could easily have been called Batman Begins.

Luke Evans is solid as Vlad, showing the requisite charm, smoulder and aggression, however Charles Dances away with almost the entire movie in just one scene as the Vampire who turns the man into the monster.

It certainly doesn't suck as much as it could have but lacks the required bite to make this particular version of the story live in immortality.

3 stars

Only Lovers Left Alive - review

In spite of the constant thirst for blood and aversion to things like sunlight and garlic, there has always been something quite sensual and romantic about being a vampire.

An ability to appeal to the opposite sex, never growing old, eternal life, etc and let's face it, despite what Queen might have said, who wouldn't want to live forever?

But what exactly would vampires do with an eternity on earth?

Only Lovers Left Alive provides one possible answer to that question. They'd get bored!

Adam (Tom Hiddleston) is a Kurt Cobain-esque Gothic rocker recluse hiding away from the outside world in an old house in Detroit.

Eve (Tilda Swinton) is living in Tangiers, reading and hanging out in Souk bars with Kit Marlowe played by John Hurt.

Both are vampires and more importantly, husband and wife.

Were they the first of their kind? Unclear. As is the reason they live on opposite sides of the world. Perhaps they are just like any other couple and after centuries of being together they needed some time apart from each other.

And they have been around for centuries, that much is clear and even though they have spent that time cultivating knowledge of science, nature and the arts, Adam has grown tired of of the apathy of the "zombies" who inhabit the earth now, unable to appreciate the world and its cultural wonders.

So as he ponders a game of Russian Roulette with a wooden bullet, Eve hops on the next overnight flight to Detroit to pull him out of his slump.

Looking for a plot? There isn't one to be found here. This isn't a film about action or change, after all vampires don't.

This is a film about existence.

There is a melancholic scene where Adam describes to Eve how a giant theatre used to play concerts to thousands of people but now is crumbling and abandoned and nothing more than a car park.

Civilisations have come and gone and they are the only constant in each other's life.

It's a rather unique take on the mythology in how it showcases the normalcy of being a vampire.

Vampires might be allergic to sunlight and drink blood instead of red wine but there still human. They have family issues. They can hold a grudge, "Are you still made about that? It was 87 years ago." and they moan about having to get up out of bed to feed.

Here the vampires feast on blood taken from hospitals not because they have turned "vegetarian" like those who "sparkle", or dislike killing but because they are worried about the purity of the source, disdainful of the diseases and drugs that the "zombies" Adam refers to pollute their bodies with.

Rather ironic since they treat it more like a drug than food, feeling a euphoric high after every hit.

This is just a drop from the rich vein of dark humour running throughout the film, such as Jeffrey Wright's various nicknames for Adam dressed in a Doctor's outfit (Faust, Strangelove, Caligari) and the hints at the influence of vampires over such artistic legends like Wilde, Shakespeare, etc that appear on a wall of fame.

Many of the film's biggest laughs come from the unwelcome arrival of Eva (Wasikowska), Eve's "sister", the closest the film comes to having a Deus Ex Machina, injecting some (after)life into proceedings.

The script's wit is as razor sharp as their teeth and dripping with deadpan delivery by Hiddleston and Swinton who are both able to hint at the old souls behind the young eyes of these eternal creatures of the night.

Shot with an ethereal beauty and a killer soundtrack, it can easily stake a claim as the best vampire film since Let The Right One In.

4 stars